if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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