i think i have herpe
just one?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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