it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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