Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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