i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
