I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i barfeds in our rink
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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