Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
