You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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