In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
