Pants 0. Shit 1.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
