She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
