This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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