"it" just moved
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
