Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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