he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.