We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf