My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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