At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.