Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero