i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
