my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
