He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
