Dignity is for republicans.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
