K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
