I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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