If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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