If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
