we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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