so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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