oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
