dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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