so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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