Sponge bath it is.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
