Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
