Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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