i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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