Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
