My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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