So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
