Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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