I got chris browned last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
