I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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