What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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