Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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