Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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