I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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