Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
