its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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