Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
