Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
