My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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