my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
