I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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