idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
