She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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