if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
