There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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