Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
