why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
