I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
