your parents love me but you hate me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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