Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize