they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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